First Big Snow

First big snow of the year ,wish I weren't here ,only because these old bones hate to shovel this out this hovel .My world ..each flake is unique and different , is that in people or snow ...I gotta wonder .
The muffled quiet as the snow drops, making all look like a coat of fresh white paint ....hanging on so tenaciously on the trees bent with the weight of it all ..much like my soul and shoulders how much more can I take before I break .
You will be fine .....they all say but they don't walk a mile in these shoes ,with a bad case of winters blues ,reds and the pinks one thing for sure is love stinks ...I want it but don't want the pain ..
Think I will rely on the love of my dogs one old and faithfull all 19 pounds of a bear chaser ,and new lil girl with attitude and love that just don't stop .
This house is like a whore screaming for more ...the roof leaks like a sive just like last year after it being fixed now covered in the Alaskan fix a blue tarp and duct tape untill the wind picks up or this foot of fresh snow changes form to water or ice .
There comes a time this orphan says in my Saturn return , make it or take it ....which will it be , all so overwhelming as I balance on my cane ...hands wanting to bead with eyes that can't see ,
My ink is dry on my tats and paper ....I search daily for a new landing spot like a Eagle circling my prey ,where should I go ,where should I stay .
She who the ocean in her home ....largest tide in many ,second fastest moving tide in the world ,can I navigate this ...
Odd to my mama who often said "never took an ugly man home ,but sure woke up with a few!"
A mother a lover a friend a grandma a artist a baker a blueberry pie maker ...
What defines me is what I let it ..time to pull anchor and move on...