Darkness

Darkness covers me like a blanket ,
I toss I turn waiting Solstice for more light
Losing myself in the chanting
And light of a candle
I no longer can handle
Holding my breath ,
Waiting for you to turn towards me
It will never be what is was
Your turning more grey as I walk away
More angry and bitter a man who's eyes of blue
Used to feel so true ....the facade your played
I gave you my all ....time cannot be replaced
Heart that is ripped and shredded
Tears  that are frozen to my face
Shoes I no longer can lace
I have no place ....I drift like a skiff that's lost it's mooring
Mourning what was , what wasn't , what cannot be
You being truthful  and faithful to me  
And you poor another drink
My van gough  flute playing man
Hands that no longer stroke my brow or my hair
I now accept the pain of you just don't care
Adrift I am in the sea of life
Holding it together , knots I tie ,
Looking for somewhere to drop this anchor
As the storm clouds roll in

First Big Snow

First big snow of the year ,wish I weren't here ,only because these old bones hate to shovel this out this hovel .My world ..each flake is unique and different , is that in people or snow ...I gotta wonder .
The muffled quiet as the snow drops, making all look like a coat of fresh white paint ....hanging on so tenaciously on the trees bent with the weight of it all ..much like my soul and shoulders how much more can I take before I break .
You will be fine .....they all say but they don't walk a mile in these shoes ,with a bad case of winters blues ,reds and the pinks one thing for sure is love stinks ...I want it but don't want the pain ..
Think I will rely on the love of my dogs one old and faithfull all 19 pounds of a bear chaser ,and new lil girl with attitude and love that just don't stop .
This house is like a whore screaming for more ...the roof leaks like a sive just like last year after it being fixed now covered in the Alaskan fix a blue tarp and duct tape untill the wind picks up or this foot of fresh snow changes form to water or ice .
There comes a time this orphan says in my Saturn return , make it or take it ....which will it be , all so overwhelming as I balance on my cane ...hands wanting to bead with eyes that can't see ,
My ink is dry on my tats and paper ....I search daily for a new landing spot like a Eagle circling my prey ,where should I go ,where should I stay .
She who the ocean in her home ....largest tide in many ,second fastest moving tide in the world ,can I navigate this ...
Odd to my mama who often said "never took an ugly man home ,but sure woke up with a few!"
A mother a lover a friend a grandma a artist a baker a blueberry pie maker ...
What defines me is what I let it ..time to pull anchor and move on...